The school needed a substitute teacher. It got an orc war-chief instead.

A towering green-skinned warrior from another world was never part of the staffing plan, but after a magical accident leaves him stranded in modern England, the local secondary school discovers something unexpected:

He is exceptionally good with children.

Not in the approved sense, naturally.

He carries an axe, distrusts educational jargon, treats corridor duty like battlefield positioning, and regards most school policies as elaborate attempts to lose control of a situation politely.

But he listens.
He notices.
And when children are frightened, angry, lonely, or quietly falling apart, Mr. Gorzug stands between them and the world with the calm certainty of someone who has defended walls under far worse conditions.

As Halcyon struggles with failing budgets, exhausted staff, vulnerable students, and the growing threat of something unnatural following Gorzug into England, the school slowly realises that the strangest person in the building may also be the one adult least willing to give up on its children.

Mr. Gorzug – Substitute Teacher is a warm, funny fantasy novel about schools, belonging, safeguarding, and what happens when an orc war-chief accidentally becomes the pastoral support system a comprehensive school desperately needed.

Perfect for readers who enjoy:

- Wry British humour
- Found family
- School-based fantasy
- Discworld-style observational comedy
- Kind but capable protagonists
- Slow emotional storytelling beneath absurd situations
- Bureaucracy treated as an enemy faction
- Tea deployed as a stabilising force